Monday, December 19, 2011

Home Alone, and on Craigslist

First the ad, I always thought little Keven sounded sort of "swishy"



The responses I got were few, few but great.

Creepy Guy:

Hey there,

Sounds like fun! I'dove to come over and pound you!

I'm a good looking 50 y/o ddf wm, 5'10", 175 lbs, greying hair, hazel eyes, decent uncut package, very creative, in
Montco. I'm real & definitely interested so let me know how to get a hold of you and let's get busy!!!



Kevin(me):


Make sure to bring a friend, But be warned I've booby trapped the whole house. If you can make it in I'll be up on the third floor laying on the hide-a-way with Fuller (he wets the bed)

No further response.


Penn Student(I presume):

24 male french light skin , want to join in get back to me asap

Me:
I can't get back to you right now, I'm what you french call les incompetents

Penn:

then when can u get back to me then ? cause i am very interrested

Me:
I'm too busy making ornaments out of fish hooks

Penn:
i am sure u could spare a few hours maybe to grab a drink or coffee

This is when my conscious kicks in and I come clean, confess that I am nothing but a worthless troll.

Me:

No sorry, These quotes are from a movie "Home Alone" I'm not really looking to get pounded

Penn:
well if u not looking to get pounded or even a little bj then there is no point in having a convo

Me:
You might think it was funny if You've seen the movie, It's a John Hughes Classic

Penn:
i did saw the movie n i know exacley the part u are referring to but i am just not sure what u are looking for since u said we cant meet up


I don't think he's ever seen it.

This one has less to do with Home Alone, but I just liked it.


White Guy:

26, 5'10", 230, average length but thick cock. Are you calling someone out for real? Or are you calling out any guy



Attached is a picture of his wang and for refrence a bottle held against it.

Me:

what kind of shampoo is that?

White Guy:

Its not shampoo... Its my ex's lotion bottle. Its an avon product. Do you have pics?

Me:

Avon huh? I didn't know people ordered from those catalogs still.

White Guy:

She ordered online bc she sold it for extra money

Me:

OH yeah! I forgot people did that, door to door...Avon calling...lol

White Guy:

No, she posted flyers and left catalogs everywhere... People called her, and she did very well, $1200 a month for the year she sold it

In good faith, here's more


Attached is three more pictures

The first one is a some sex toys on a towel, including one that looks like a baseball on a rope...
The second is a Magnum condom still in it's wrapper.
and the third is....

Me:

Is that last picture a bit of the lotion?

White Guy:

No... I was rubbing one out and that's what made the piece of paper... The rest landed in the sink and went down the drain

Me:

sick.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Fuck religon, fuck politics, fuck the lot of you.



This painting has no whacky back story or double meaning, it was just a lot of fun and it makes me laugh. It is entitled "Sister Adolf" sister because she is a Nun and Adolf because it means wolf and just happens to be a very bad-ass name with lots of faux pas attached to it. I've always liked the imagery of the upside down cross without really understanding it. Turns out it was the preferred way to crucify for most roman Catholics as a way to humiliate, like saying you don't deserve to die the way Jesus did, were gonna turn this bitch up side down. I wonder if anyone had a choice? "would you like the saint Peter or the classic Christ style..."

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

am I pervy?



I frequent Craigslist way more often than any one person should, It's becoming a problem. I like to post in the classifieds, mostly in casual encounters and missed connections because I get the best reply. I never answer any reply I get cause I'm a pussy and lots of times it's just pictures of red bulbous genitalia. But today I posted a good one. I simply asked the gentleman of Craigslist to send me pictures of tattoos. and I got them. good ones.



So. I don't know what this is. I think it's a spray can and a "tag"
that's cool, I like graffiti if it's done well. But it is kinda illegal so, like, maybe you shouldn't have gotten evidence you committed a crime put on your body forever.



I like everything about this picture. I didn't want to blur out his face, but I made him look like a bacon painting. I can only hope that the man in the picture, took this photo, looked at it and then cheesed hard as shit.

I got about 20 or so emails in about an hour and I'm still getting them, but I'm only going to post one more.



It's a severed zombie hand. cute. He wants to stick a corpse's dead moldy fingers inside someone. That would be quite a shock.


I don't really know why I do these things. I don't normally tell anyone either. It's okay though- the Internet doesn't count because it's not really real. But I am really looking at a picture of some guys dong stretched out over his wrist.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

I painted this on a piece of cardboard.




The story goes like this. My parents bought this house on Chipmunk lane in Secane PA and to this very day I still believe it was haunted. My room especially, of which I shared with my sister and happily because spending your childhood in the hell mouth with a sibling builds better social skills. I won't go into the specifics of every little bump and shadow that could have easily been my over-active non medicated child's brain. What I will tell you is why the house was so affordable. In 1970 a women shot her husband six times with a .32 revolver as he was shaving in the bathroom...right next to my room. The rumor was that her husband was abusive and unfaithful, he told her he was cheating and if she didn't like it. well. deal. and deal she did.

http://delawarecolib.newspaperarchive.com/PdfViewer.aspx?img=84354536&firstvisit=true&src=search¤tResult=1¤tPage=20